I find myself this evening at a Starbucks in Van Nuys, drinking a coffee, watching dozens of people who are not drinking coffee, or any sort of drink actually, play very bad games of chess.

There are two points to this very short post, and it is a very short post with only two points, I guarantee that. The first is the aficionado ethos that many Starbucks devotees adhere to. I find it interesting that so many people profess to be coffee lovers yet frequent Starbucks. I understand why, it’s the comfort factor, the same reason you are still wearing those worn out sneakers and the underwear with the holes in it.

It’s the “consistent experience” where you don’t have to think too much but have the illusion of choice and comfortable alternatives to your usual drink.

I’ve been saying this for years, Starbucks is to coffee what McDonald’s is to the hamburger. If you want a great hamburger, you don’t go to McDonald’s. But if you want a consistent hamburger…

If you truly, really love coffee, you don’t go to Starbucks, you visit any one of the dozens of local roasters in your metropolitan area.

If you’re lucky enough to be in Los Angeles, visit a local Groundworks. If you’re really lucky to be in Venice, visit the Groundworks on Rose Ave. And if you are especially lucky, you’ll get Chris pulling the espresso shots for you.

And the really bad chess? People sacrifice too early for cheap victories or rush in to a situation without understanding the ramifications of the harm they are about to do to themselves. I find chess to be a perfect allegory for people’s lives, careers, goals, aspirations and their pursuit of get rich quick schemes.

Enjoy your coffee. I have to go now, I am about to be put in check because I was writing this and not paying attention to my game.

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Are you guilty of that?

We’re all guilty of creative masturbation at times, but some people manage to take it to the extreme and do it almost consistently in every activity.

Uh. Okay. Lets back up a bit and explain what I mean by this. I am not talking about an activity you would get arrested for if you were to do it in public (though you should). Creative masturbation is when you show off your skill at something, simply to show it off, whilst someone else is paying the ticket for you.

It is the 20 minute drum or guitar solo on a 64 minute music CD. Even worse it is the 59 minutes of “experimental” tracks bolstered by just one 5 minute hit single that was used to entice someone to buy the CD in the first place.

It is six continuous pages of text in a novel describing in minute detail the inner workings of a particular, and usually completely mythical, world or process.

It is the company brochure that shows how clever you are at designing brochures when you make simple, non-descript widgets for the public restroom industry.

It is you worrying if enough flames are lighting up the logo on your company website whilst customer calls go unanswered.

Take a step back from your current task or project and ask yourself this “Is someone masturbating over this?” because if they are, you’re wasting money, and more importantly, your time, pleasuring someone’s creative spot rather than getting your product out the door or your service in front of people.

And this is the only reason when I will ever tell you to stop masturbating.

And now I recommend you get back to doing what pleases you.

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