Receptive Receipt

You’re giving me a heads up that you will be adding me to your mailing list so I am more receptive to receiving them. Well that is awfully generous of you.

I insist on reciprocating by giving you a heads up that in about 18 seconds I will be disconnecting on LinkedIn from you and in about 37 seconds my script that automatically adds your personal email address to over 500 no-opt-in mailing lists will have finished running.

Mislabeled Expectations

When the label doesn’t match the expectation.

I was sat in one of my favourite coffee shops on Monday morning chatting with a few entrepreneurs when we overheard a heated exchange between a customer and the barista.

The customer asked for “a latte without milk.”

The barista looked at her quizzically and said “You mean an espresso?”

“NO! I mean a latte, but without the milk.”

The barista dutifully pulled an espresso shot, “Is this what you mean?” he asks proffering the cup to her.

“Yes, that’s it! Perfect.”

Prepackaged Journey

We can all agree that packaging science is a mature art.

But it is also expensive to do right. And most companies think that the experience ends at the checkout screen or the cash register.

Apple, ColorWare Inc, and even Microsoft (with their Surface 3), get it.

Your sale doesn’t end when you take the customer’s money.

Your sale ends when the customer returns to your store to buy a second one, or a third, or a replacement, or something else entirely different because they loved the journey that YOU took them on when they purchased from you.

Over Easy

There are magical tools, software and hardware, that make the easy things easier. But the hard things are just as hard.

Never, ever believe that just because you can hire someone with less experience to do the same job as the experienced, because there is now a magical tool, that you will get a large productivity boost.

The hard things are just as hard as they ever were.

Yes, You Really Are

“I’m not really an asshole” said the entrepreneur sometime after showing up to the lunch meeting 35 minutes late and calling his four previous technical founders a failure, a loser, a jerk and a douchebag in that order, “I just act like one because people won’t give me what I want.”

I laughed and said “That is the very definition of asshole.”

He was surprised I didn’t want to work with him by the end of the meal.

Have Or Have Not

“Do you ship to California?” I asked.

And the response was”We won’t ship to California. We’ve never done that.”

And then they hung up.

You don’t?

Or you won’t?

Or you haven’t?

Don’t, won’t and haven’t are three words you need to purge from your vocabulary when talking to customers.

Customers always go with “Do. Will. And we’ll figure it out.”